-"A challenge fit for the new millennium"-
-says the Rt Hon Mervyn Clapstock-Varty, Minister for Persiflage & Rodomontade-
Clues Across
(3) Clam up and take umbrage weekly. (3)
(8) Widdershins for Artie! (5)
(9) Lord Haw-Haw would never have approved: bald rabbit laughs at Esau. (3-4)
(10) Brisket and brioche bandwagon packed into logarithmic igloo (7)
(11) Towering nostril (5)
(12) Leverets for skating athwart? Build me a skein in the sky, Hardy! (4,2) (14) Theatricals with a hollowed-out rubber heifer? Feels parchment-ish (3,3)
(15) Willow, heart-cupboard, willow! (1,4,1)
(17) Whipping up liquorice at Tatty Trevor's (1-2,3)
(20) Arkle? A node less, muses the longshanked papist (5)
(21) Soviet trampsteamer is between diamond-hued thighs (7)
(24) Crone eschews nautical helmet-gloam (1,2,3,1)
(25) Sum of flayed "margo-gacter" and a flange? (3-3)
Clues Down
(1) Unhorsed fool agape at splayed nun (4)
(2) Satellite of existentialist rugby-referee? (5,1)
(3) Mimsy with chillblains? (4)
(4) Polynesian spittoon divided thrice (5)
(5) Poet, troubadour, Hinshelwood and abscess? (8)
(6) Lie! Take a sideways trot cabbage-ward! Flaunt those jowels, those dandy-dandy ribs, Olivier-Jambent! (1,3,2)
(7) Mr & Mrs Wood and their daughter Teresa reclining in their new arboretum! (8)
(12) Ancient stuffed tongue in the judge's spoon-tin (8)
(13) Plangent transparent fish-dragon with opaque breath (8)
(16) Dandle me a downdangler, Dandridge! (2-4)
(19) Split lobe sizzling in New Jersey (5)
(22) Cecil the sisal tycoon after Acme Holdings went belly-up? (1,3)
(23) Hierophant or elephant? Nary a sycophant (a wicker-plant, sicker askance: Walter Sickert's worst daub!)! (4)
Cryptic Quiz by Thor Prehensile
(1) What do King Henry IV, Lenny Bruce, and a pterodactyl in August have in common?
(2) Why do geese walk sideways in Little Gidding?
(3) Is the Land of The Green Paper Vans truly unreadable? Or does Henri Cresseur hold the saturated fats? Is this recorded in "A 20th Century Magna Carta"?
(4) He was born in Montgomeryshire in the 18th century, died for the 3rd time in the Ozarks alongside "Rattlin Riley" in 1837, and still reigns in Pooler's Paddock. He is not a donkey. Who is his father?
(5) "Here he is! Here comes Jackman!" Commentary by which of the Flemish Castrati?
(6) Novelettes, Omelettes and Marmosets was the 4th album by which 1970s Dutch "prog-rock" quintet? "They are not as bad as they sound" said Vic Damone in 1973!
(7) Is the Queen tinted in Asuncion (c. 1612)? " 'Nary a numblet-pie', quoth-a!"
(8) Hatherstone's is the authority for which Old Carthusian evening pursuit?
(9) "In sub jide" is equivalent to "latti fullki brekkter" in Lapland. Is it really? If so, why?
(10) "The Broiling Queltar": is this (a) a sci-fi novel by Harry H Harrison, (b) a 17th-century sailors' nickname for the Malay Archipelago, (c) a computer virus, (d) all of the above, or (e) none of the above?
CONUNDRUM by Doldrum
QRTVKKQOOIAVWAER
(clue: a rocket-ship looms large above Kowloon - not Hong Kong, you buffoon!)
Questions of the Season
Mrs Lily Frith, "The Mountings", Lower Doddering, Thrale, writes:
"Sirs, could you be most kind as to inform one where a lady can find out where I really am? And if it is proven? eg, How do they really know? Compasses are only magnets and a woman cannot trust a sign in this age. Please to supply. Thanking."
Arthur Sowell, of Walmesbury-in-Gussle, presents experts-in-tobacco-consumption-history with a keen poser, thus:
"Dear Sir, I should be grateful for any help in the dilemma upon whose horns I am currently painfully impaled. I have inherited from a diseased (sic) uncle his collection of tobacco-pipes garnered during a long career in the merchant fleets. There are many kinds of pipes here, from old Chinese "mandarin bowls" to your classical "meerschaum" pipe and even rare "Derry stems". I am keen to find out whether my uncle's term of "Old Barrel O' Pipes", which is what he called these pipes and which is written on the teak container they are housed within, is in fact a correct terminology, as a bridge-partner has pointed out that, in Port (upon which he is somewhat of an authority, having shares in the Doyard house and bottles laid down), the terms "pipe" and "barrel" are interchanged and mean the same. As you may imagine, I am torn here, between loyalty to my uncle, and support to a friend whose knowledge is huge. Any advise (sic) would be thankfully received.
And Miss Diana Merkin-Stipple of Torbay asks:
"Sir, has the recent prison riot at Dartmoor any precedent? I recall a similar eruption when my late brother was serving in Kashmir. On that occasion the conflict was stimulated by the serving up of a "beefless broth", which inflamed the prisoners. I know that there was once a protest over "unspecified fish" in a "Captain's Pie" at Twerten Open Prison, but have never heard of a full-scale riot over lack of meat in a pudding such as has regrettably occurred in the current 'Moor disturbance. I have a personal collection of literature relating to the imprisonment, restraint and punishment, judicial and otherwise, of the male, and a full search has not revealed a precedent. Can anyone help me?
Have a heart, Daisy!
Loganberry pie again!
Hurtle Duffield's heart?
Once 'twas a trice, now 'tis......?
Quarterly bunfight at the Geometric Gardens
Soccer's Uncle Freedom; or, his nibs?
Mansions silvery at twilight gleam thus
The formulae (revised) beloved of Dr Frome-Pately
A high sea on Tuesday night led to its destruction on "The Panhandles"
Words of the Sages
"A whirring in the air is not a hummingbird."
(Quexcoctatcltexctacl, an Aztec philosopher-priest, upon being informed of the approach of the Spanish army)
